What really makes a marriage relationship last 30, 40, 50 plus years?

A happy and fulfilling marriage relationship takes a lot of hard work, but is it really that hard? Most of us just need a change of attitude and a better perspective on what it actually takes to have a rewarding relationship. The most important relationship many of us will ever have is the relationship between a husband and wife. So many of us want to have a good relationship with our husband or wife; but don’t know how, or want to give it the 100% commitment, dedication, and nurturing that it desperately needs every single day. There are relationship changing behaviors you can use in your relationship to make it last for an eternity. Without the nurturing and protection that a marriage needs; a marriage cannot be healthy, happy, rewarding, and fulfilling. Why settle for an avergage relationship, when you can have a rewarding relationship? The two are very different! 

·         Make sure your relationship is first.

·         Learn your spouse’s love language and speak it every day.

·         Learn your spouse’s needs and meet them every day.

·         Give and be selfless in your giving. Show altruism.

·         Give 100%, and not 50%.

·         Pray for your spouse.

·         Cherish them each day. Don’t take them for granted.

·         Do the small and big things every day to make your spouse feel loved and appreciated.

·         Respect and trust your spouse. Stay loyal, faithful, and committed to your spouse.

·         Spend quality time with each other.

·         Make lots of time for closeness, oneness, friendship, and intimacy.

·         Don’t ever neglect each other emotionally and physically.

·         Be the best of friends.

·         Be a strong team through the different seasons of life and your relationship.

·         Share similar interests.

·         Be a part of each other’s world.

·         Learn about each other and don’t stop.

·         Put your spouse’s needs above your own needs.

·         Be well aware of what ruins your spouse’s love for you.

·         Have open and healthy communication. Be safe to talk to.

·         Wake up each day and ask yourself “how can I make my spouse happy today?”

·         Don’t ever include anyone else in the privacy of your relationship.

·         Be creative, fun, and energetic.

·         Be happy and positive. Keep a good attitude. Stop the whining and negativity.

·         Know it’s not all about you. You didn’t marry yourself.

·         Don’t ever mention the D****** word.

·          Revisit your vows a couple times a year.

·         Stay in tune and check in with your relationship.

·         “Marry your spouse” every day.

·         Celebrate your beautiful relationship!

Understand a happy marriage needs these types of behaviors in order to be rewarding and fulfilling. Time together doesn’t mean complete happiness together.

What you plant is what you grow, so be careful what you sow

What kind of seeds are you planting in your marriage? Are you watering your marriage garden every day? Wife, is your husband a bit droopy? Are his leaves beginning to wilt or his branches beginning to sag? I suggest watering him with a good dose of respect, loving words and actions, appreciation, acceptance, affirmation, affection, and meeting his needs. Watch him perk back up and spring to life. Wise up ladies, and blow a little sunshine on your man and watch what happens. 

Like I have said before, women have so much power in their relationship. So ladies, wake up each day and water your marriage garden by first being aware of your husband’s needs. Most men’s needs are: Sexual fulfillment, domestic support, admiration, an attractive spouse, and recreational companionship. Speak his love language through your words and actions. Your husband’s primary love language may be a couple of these: Quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, and receiving gifts.

Sometimes in marriage we may ask, “Where did these weeds come from?” “We sure did not plant them!” Well, the weeds came from seeds that blew in from different places. Love busters are considered the weeds that creep up in your marriage! Love busters are words and actions that prevent you and your husband from being happy and satisfied in your relationship. For a man it can be negativity, drama, complaining, nagging, disrespect, selfishness, and of course the biggest one of all not meeting his needs and not speaking his love languages. Be aware of love busters and protect your marriage from them.  

Couples often revert to daily life routines that may inadvertently ignore the intellectual, physical, and emotional components of their relationship. Every couple should find time to spend time with each other, connect physically and emotionally by meeting each other’s needs, discuss political or other issues of interest, and even attend events that lead to discussion and intellectual stimulation. When a couple is intellectually and emotionally stimulated, they naturally feel more attracted to each other. 

Water your garden by understanding your husband and being aware of his thoughts, feelings, needs, wants, and dreams. Make sure your relationship with him is first, encourage your husband and support him. Build him up instead of tearing him down. Grow a beautiful marriage garden together. 

You can water your marriage garden through the small and big things…anything from leaving a note saying how much you love and appreciate them to meeting their most important emotional needs. Make it a priority to spend quality time and undivided attention with each other, no matter what is going on in life. Always remember, you are a team and not enemies. If you attend to your relationship in these emotional, cognitive, and physical ways, you are likely to have a happy and healthy long relationship. 

Your heart and mind must be in it, if it is not then don’t think for one minute that you can have a fulfilling relationship. It starts with making the choice to do all that you can to give 100% and meet your partner’s needs and wants. No, not 50% or focusing on what they do or don’t do. This won’t work, it just won’t. If your heart is not in it, the first step is communicating what is wrong in your marriage and what needs continue to go unmet. If love busters are taking over your marriage and needs are unmet, you can’t have a fulfilling relationship. 

Love is like a plant, it constantly needs to be watered in order for it to grow. We need to not take our relationship for granted, and give it the extra care it needs. Learn to nurture your relationship and marriage each and every day together. You must allow the time for maintaining closeness. If not, unfortunately, what happens is that people have a tendency to grow apart over time. People don’t just grow apart because “it just happens”. They grow apart because they did not pay attention to their relationship and sooner or later fell out of love. Ladies, water your marriage garden each day with everything your husband needs from you and watch your garden grow.

Remind yourself each day: what you plant is what you grow, so be careful what you sow.