Ladies...take charge of your marital happiness!

We cannot make our husbands change or act different by nagging or complaining. We cannot help them become happier by nagging or complaining. We can however take charge of the mood that pervades in our marriage and make a conscious effort to build both personal and marital happiness. As your home begins to fill with your positive energy, your own sense of happiness and fulfillment will infect your husband, making you both happier.

The real secret is to “focus on yourself”. The happiest married women are those who have learned the secret of how to “change their spouse”. You can achieve this by focusing on yourself and how you can change your own thoughts, beliefs, words, and behaviors. A wife can change a relationship for the better if she keeps her focus on improving herself—like being on a continual self-improvement program. Any positive change in behavior or response to one’s spouse automatically brings about a change in the dynamics of the relationship. It can help break a downward spiral to get couples back on track, or keep them moving forward toward a more connected and fulfilling relationship.

The happiness level in your home begins with you. You can keep the happiness level high by doing less worrying and complaining about your husband and instead put your energy into what is good for both you and your marriage. This can increase the level of marital bliss for both of you. Focus on the positive and you can see your husband appreciating the effort and beginning to meet more of your needs. Tell your husband what makes you happy and help him identify exactly what makes you happy. Keep in mind, it is important to have realistic expectations when it comes to what happiness really should be.  Remember to pick your battles…not everything is worth an argument.  Make marital happiness your top priority and let go of the negative stuff that clogs up your day and energy.

Fall in love, stay in love

Basic Concept 1: The Love Bank

¢ Our words and actions towards each other.  We need to focus on depositing in the love bank and avoid withdrawals from the love bank.

¢ Almost everything we do affects our love for each other, positively or negatively.

¢ The concepts below will help you make deposits instead of withdrawals into each other’s love bank.

Basic Concept 2:  Insticts & Habits

¢ Instincts are behavioral patterns that we are born with, and habits are patterns we learn.

¢ Our instincts and habits make up most of our behavior, and our behavior makes the deposits and withdrawals.

¢ It’s important to learn the habits that make deposits and avoid withdrawals.

¢ Stop destructive instincts and habits in their tracks. Instincts are harder to stop, but both can be avoided.

Basic Concept 3: The Most Important Emotional Needs

¢ You must learn and meet each other’s most important emotional needs.  

¢ Do what makes each other happy and avoid doing what makes each other unhappy.

¢ Speak each other’s love language. 

¢ Stay on the rewarding cycle and energizing cycle by meeting each others needs. Avoid the crazy cycle by making meeting needs a priority. The crazy cycle is the woman's cry for love and the man's cry for respect. Making sure both are always given avoids the crazy cycle.  

Basic Concept 4: The Policy of Undivided Attention

¢ Give your spouse a min of 15 hours a week, using time to meet emotional needs.  Make time alone a high priority.

¢ This policy will help you avoid a big mistake of neglecting each other. This is a necessary ingredient in marriage.

¢ Without time for undivided attention, you will not be able to avoid love busters and negotiate effectively.

Basic Concept 5:  Love Busters

¢ Guard your account in your spouse’s love bank from withdrawals by paying close attention to how your everyday behavior can make each other unhappy.

¢ By eliminating love busters you will be protecting your spouse’s love for you.

¢ Avoid disrespect, dishonesty, nagging, yelling, arguing, demanding, selfishness.

Little things have a BIG impact on marital happiness

Many are unaware of the importance of generosity to a successful marriage. It is far more important than the general population may expect.  What kind of things do you say and do each day to make your spouse feel special and appreciated? Do you express affection freely and frequently? Showing affection throughout the day makes you feel connected and loving. How are you generous in spirit? I don’t mean giving extravagant gifts. It’s all about the small things to make them feel loved.

The happiest married couples are those who are generous with each other. What could you do for your spouse that you are not currently doing? This type of generosity is selfless. There is no motive in its giving. It is truly about making your spouse feel special and appreciated. Each day, there are so many ways to bring these feelings to your spouse. The amazing part about it is, not only does your spouse feel lucky to have you, you feel great to give and give some more! It’s not always easy to be generous to a spouse, and many concur with this advice. However, giving this way has a big impact on marital happiness and research has proven it. All the more reason to do it!

Think each day, what can you do to make your spouse feel special, loved, and appreciated?