Giving is about giving 100% to each other unconditionally every day. It is thinking about what you can do each day to make your partner feel happy and loved by you. It can be small or big…anything that you know would make them feel so special. Buying lunch and bringing it to them, buying them something they would love at the store, making them their favorite dinner, running an errand for them, doing something together that they enjoy, stocking a favorite drink or snack, getting something done for them. It’s about making them feel special. There are a ton of different things we can do each day to make the person we love feel special. It is about making their life easier and more enjoyable in every way possible. Giving is not about yourself or what you are getting out of it. When you give to someone who you truly love, you get it back in return. If you don’t, maybe you’re really not giving.
Obligations and responsibilities don’t require “feeling like it”, they require honor and compassion. Whether it is sex and affection, showing interest in the activities and passions of your spouse, giving up something important to you because it would make family peace and a happy spouse, you are required by your vows to function out of commitment, rather than running on your own immediate needs or feelings. Giving when you don’t feel like it, is the best route to a wonderful closeness and the most intimate feelings that are unimaginable if you focus in on only what suits you.
Obligations and responsibilities don’t require “feeling like it”, they require honor and compassion. Whether it is sex and affection, showing interest in the activities and passions of your spouse, giving up something important to you because it would make family peace and a happy spouse, you are required by your vows to function out of commitment, rather than running on your own immediate needs or feelings. Giving when you don’t feel like it, is the best route to a wonderful closeness and the most intimate feelings that are unimaginable if you focus in on only what suits you.
Treat your spouse like the catch that they are, do not let careers and hobbies get in the way of time together, don’t let debt and possessions possess you and bring turmoil and blame, don’t use your spouse when you need what you need and then ignore them and their needs, leaving them to fend for themselves until you get lonely and need something for yourself again; don’t be haughty and lazy about the priority of love in marriage and your responsibility to make them feel loved and important to you and the family.
You will begin to feel happier in your marriage simply by focusing in on the good and the great instead of how your attention is generally drawn toward the negative and annoying trivialities. The second thing that will happen is that you will ignite a loving reaction from your spouse that will keep your marriage warm for a long time.
If you are going to be happily married, you have to learn emotional self-control. It does not mean that you are letting them get away with anything. To have a lovely marriage, give what is most precious to you. This would be giving your loving, kind self in spite of your fears and hurts. This is the gift of GIVING.
If you didn’t make a mistake in the choice of a spouse, and you really believe that the other person truly lives concerned about your welfare and has the best intentions toward you and has your feelings and your very life in their heart—then there is NO point in being so ferociously defensive, hostile, manipulative about hurt feelings, or apocalyptic about a little spat. At the time you are the angriest, the most resentful, the most irritated, hurt and disillusioned—do something nice for the other person and something magical happens. Just say: You know I am feeling so angry, hurt, upset that I am confused. I do know that I love you, you are wonderful and I want to be calm and comfortable with each other 10 minutes from now. I want you to be happy and to be happy with me. How can I give that to you?
Altruism, self-sacrifice, makes people happy. It also makes them loved. In order to be loved, you must first love. Love is not about you or what you want; it is about GIVING love without conditions to somebody healthy and kind enough to do the same.
Married people who display frequent altruism toward their spouse have happier marriages. Spouses who have this self-sacrificing “put the interest of the other before my own interests” mentality are happier, and more happily married.
GIVE, GIVE, and GIVE some more of your best self.
Banish two words from your vocabulary: Except and deserve. If you focus on what your partner deserves, you magically get everything you need. That is the gift of GIVING!
REMEMBER: EVERY DAY IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO FORGE A STRONGER BOND BETWEEN YOU BOTH!
(Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The proper care and feeding of husbands)
No comments:
Post a Comment