Me, me, me

Some women expect to be cherished, protected, and provided for by a man without that man enjoying the depth of passion that makes him feel loved, needed, wanted, adored, and ultimately accepted; that doesn’t work for long. A man needs the physical to feel connected emotionally to his woman, and by extension, the family. Any woman who dismisses that truth about her man will lose her man—even if he doesn’t walk out the door until the children are in college.

For the most part, the insecurity that many women have has everything to do with their underlying recognition that they are not behaving in a way that bonds their men to them.

It is the people who relish hanging on to the hurts and the power that gives them over their spouse, that never salvage nor create beauty in their marriages. 

JUST DO what you know your spouse needs and wants to feel important to you-what you know any woman or man would appreciate. (No nagging or drama, being happy, loyal to bond with him before other family, respectful, understanding, supportive, affectionate, a friend and helper, making him feel number one, intimate physically, emotionally and spiritually, interested in his world, good communication, spending time with him, and providing a fun and peaceful home) Being lovingly in these ways will be reciprocated.

Your husband is your family first, and holds a more important position than your extended family.

It is the woman who rules the relationship and the home. When we use this power well, we end up with a man who is very happy and blessed. Make him say: she doesn’t nag, she has confidence in herself, and she doesn’t make me cringe by playing emotional mind games and emotional traps. 

There might be a logical explanation for things going wrong. Don’t assume your spouse is out to hurt you. One absolutely necessity in any marriage is the inherent belief that the other has your best interest at heart. So, please always leave room for benefit of the doubt. Don’t panic and let your emotions run crazy.

No one can yank a happy spouse from your arms, so keep your spouse feeling loved and valued.

You can definitely cause your spouse to love you less if you are continuously hurtful, disrespectful, and not cautious about their feelings. Make sure you are thinking about longevity in your marriage before you open your mouth. An argument takes two. You can decide to be calm, non-defensive, reasonable, understanding, and compassionate. You can alone change the destiny of your marriage. Dedicate yourself to not getting stuck in the fray. You will find that no matter the subject, no matter how high the emotions, you will be able to create a better environment for working out problems. You will be amazed how dramatically different and better your relationship will be.

If you love your husband so much and want to change and be a better wife, practice the change and it will become almost natural. Learn not to be selfish, self-centered, and focusing on primarily “what’s in it for me”.

Don’t focus on how “my needs are being met”. Do prioritize the needs of the union—you are now us/we and not me.

(Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The proper care and feeding of husbands)