We endanger our marriage when we put it on the shelf--even for only a season--and then expect our spouse to put up with our temporary separation. Whatever causes us to ignore our spouse--work, a sick mother or father, a troubled child, a busy church, a growing ministry--makes little difference to the neglected spouse. If they feel ignored, they become achingly vulnerable. One internet chat, one long lunch at work, one phone call from and old girlfriend, one chance meeting at a sporting event or a business convention, and suddenly they see an “instant cure” for their loneliness—a cure that has potential to destroy your marriage.
We need to understand that marriage provides the foundation for our relational lives. Work is important. Parenting is crucial. Hobbies are healthy. But when work or hobbies or even parenting causes us to neglect our marriage, the whole house may fall down--and often work, parenting, and everything else will come down with it.
We grow together by degrees, and we grow apart by degrees.
Not meeting each other needs can lead to a divorce, sooner or later.
Marriage is about choosing to allow the strong points of your marriage to be the dominant points, the areas you choose to focus on. Where you absolutely can’t meet, you find a way to detour. Instead of spending your whole life complaining about what you want, start enjoying what you already have.
God uses your marriage to teach you how to become a better person, how to handle your fears, and how to be less controlling. As you grow in these areas, God will do something wonderful not only in your life, but for your family as well. Persevere, because if you do, you will save you and your hearers.
A lifetime of romance lies hidden in the work of marriage. In your own relationship, you may occasionally feel tempted to “lie down” and get lost in romantic comedies instead of studying how to love a real man or woman. It may seem easier to withdraw from love, to get lazy in your affections, to coast in your marriage--but such an indulgent, soft way of life will ultimately steal your sense of well-being and even your happiness. You’ll lose any romantic feelings you once had for your husband or wife, and you will eventually despise the person you have become.
God built us in such a way that, early on in a relationship, romance is unearned and often unappreciated. Intimacy is immediate and electric. In a mature marriage, romance is maintained only through hard work, deliberate choices, and concrete actions. You can’t force your feelings, but you can choose to act so that feelings usually follow. If we act like we are in love, we’ll keep falling in love. It is a process of growth--toward each other.
The differences between successful couples and unsuccessful couples are that the successful ones keep getting up and keep dealing with the issues. Unsuccessful couples want it easy. They want it now. They want their needs to be met. They don’t want conflict; they just want everything to be “happy.” This approach is the epitome of immaturity.
The single most horrible problem for marriages today is the lack of understanding, not only of what is needed by a man in a woman, but also what is needed by a woman in a man. The acceptance of the polarity in masculine and feminine is what makes a tight, loving, long-lasting bond.
Marriages are not business arrangements of coworkers or co-owners. Marriages are the joining of two minds, bodies, souls, spirits, hopes, dreams, needs, personalities, and different genders.
A man who is not happily married has faced no validation, no affection, no sex, lots of complaining, chaotic schedules, a lack of a warm home atmosphere, arguments about everything mostly started by being dissatisfied with something, an unhappy wife, payback punitive, hurtful behaviors and words. This is really a woman who has forgotten she can catch more flies with honey.
Most affairs are due to two things. A spouse feeling ignored or a spouse feeling overwhelmed.
(THIOT). The honeymoon is over time. As much as the beloved was idealized early on—their faults are seen with as much intensity. Only because you are choosing to only see the negative in your partner. Change your attitude and change your perception.
75 % of divorces are unnecessary and most people report not being happier after their divorce. A divorce should not be an option, and when it is not, marriage is much more tolerable when you are not looking for the exit door.
(Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The proper care and feeding of husbands)
No comments:
Post a Comment