An Emotionally Intelligent Relationship

Emotionally Intelligent Relationship

An emotionally intelligent relationship is a dynamic that keeps your negative thoughts and feelings about each other from overwhelming your positive ones.  This is an understanding, respecting, and honoring each other. Something positive is going on between you both that overrides your argumentative style. Letting things go emotionally from within to keep things positive. 

Strong Friendship

Maintaining the friendship is the foundation of your love. As a result, you will have a far more passionate relationship than others. Friendship fuels the flames of romance because it offers the best protection against feeling adversarial toward your spouse. Despite the inevitable disagreements of married life, you can experience positive sentiment override. A strong friendship is a secret weapon to prevent quarrels from getting out of hand.

Positive Sentiment Override

Emotionally intelligent relationships have what is called positive sentiment override. Your positive thoughts about each other and your marriage are so pervasive that they tend to supersede your negative feelings. It takes much more significant conflict to lose your equilibrium. The positivity causes you both to feel optimistic about each other and your marriage, to assume positive things about your life together, and to always give each other the benefit of the doubt. Don’t focus on what is missing in your mate and appreciate what is there. Don’t take each other for granted and focus on the positive, not the negative.

Repair Attempts

Repair attempts work with positive sentiment override. Repair attempts are any statement or action-silly or not- that prevents negativity from escalating out of control. Repair attempts are the secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples. When a couple has a strong friendship, they naturally become experts at sending each other repair attempts and reading those sent their way. The success or failure of a repair attempt is one of the primary factors in whether the marriage flourishes or flounders. This determines happiness in marriage. For failed repair attempts, a break is needed to decrease tension. 

 

(John Gottman, The seven principles for making marriage work)