Put yourself in your husband’s shoes. What did it feel like to be greeted by you? What kind of mood are you setting in the home? Are you pleasant? Confrontational? Self-absorbed? Complaining about your day? Apathetic? Would you like to be welcomed in the home the way you welcome your husband? What are you doing to make your husband your “buddy”? Are you a pleasure to be around? If this is what you are doing, your husband does not want to be around you or want to come home.
Maybe the only reason your husband is not home as much is the fact that home simply has stopped being any fun, and he is reluctant to return to a place of stress, tension, and conflict. Maybe your husband stays away from home because he has been embarrassed there too many times or feels like he is not important.
If a man can’t find peace in his own home, where should he be able to feel relaxed, accepted, loved and content, he begins to not only hate coming home, but he begins to hate life.
A job is a place where you go to and make money. A home is where you share love and laughter. Your husband should get his good feelings from home and not from work. This needs to occur before he can make home his number one priority.
Make yourself and your home a place where your husband would want to come home to. Be pleasant when he walks in the door. Don’t bombard him with whining and bitching. Instead, if you have something to discuss, ask him when a good time is to talk? Smile more. Your smile is contagious.
Don’t deny what your husband needs most: a happy loving home. You have to learn to put your feelings of negativity and sadness aside and not deny him of his happiness.
Your husband is not going to love you because you are needy. He is going to love you if you are loving. So every time you feel concerned that you’re not loved, act in a loving manner and create that love feeling in the other person. In other words, if you are suddenly going into your “poor me, I’m not lovable and you have to prove to me I am and make me feel good and I have to be the center of the universe and none of your feelings matter because you are just here to make me feel good” behaviors, he is bound to get very tired of it and you. In his mind, coming home there is an irritating little girl who is demanding and pouty, he is not even going to want to come home at some point. If you know that you are loved, love the hell out of him and you will see that love reflected back multifold. You will find that two things will happen: first, giving feels good and makes one feel special to be able to bring happiness to another, and second, his response of appreciation and affection will be true and real—not extorted through trying to prove to yourself if he loves you. We don’t ever truly “get” that way, we know it’s synthetic and we are never satisfied with a fake meal. When we see our efforts being genuinely and spontaneously rewarded, well, plan to get fat on that! Some people sadly find it extremely difficult to get out of themselves, their neurotic, self-centered drives, and be giving. These people stay frustrated and bitter and they cause a lot of pain.
Create a peaceful palace for your family and watch the home environment change.
Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave.
(Dr. Laura Schlessinger, The proper care and feeding of husbands)
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